The Song about Map. Part 1

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 Note to the Dream No 1  About The Map of Dreams. Part 1

 "We were. We are. We are one flesh with the night."

Paul Celan

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[Polish below] Come here and stroke me please, let's draw the map, I will open the door for you.  You may trace right here, around that little hollow that looks like a closed eye. Grandma told me that there was a woman once, whose navel had opened and she saw herself from the inside, but because you can't stand face to face without any preparation with a hidden self like that, so the woman has never looked in the mirror again after all.  This is a holy place, kshetram.  It is like a whale of my belly, a center of gravity with a mass, that pulls into every waves of my skin, I imagine, that one day it will breathe me whole in, and then I'll be stuck inside like in some forgotten waiting room, in a whale purgatory, or like Jonas the Wanderer waiting for the next shore and when the time comes, I will be blown out as the fountain of entangled body into a new space on some other side.  Keep tracing, please. This mole, I have it from my mother, it is my hump and it overgrown me once.  Yes, I know, it is almost invisible, but in one of my dreams I looked inside: monstrous roots were penetrating my veins, puncturing my muscles, inactivating my bones, carving a system of caves and corridors inside, they were embowering with cold shades, feeding on my body, I had to cut the roots, drag them out, stem by stem, until the only one spot remains, this tiny mole, with no other meaning than a tiny mole. And here i am now, the maze of empty paths.  Please, continue tracing.  Yes, it's lumpily here, it's a bottom of dry sea, I was the ferryman for a moment, I escorted some sparks to the other side, it's a good place, you can stay here and rest, if you want, feel welcome. You cannot?  Close your eyes and now, come in, layer by layer, how many years, decades, centuries is hidden here?  Don't be afraid of, it doesn't hurt, go deeper, please.  Think, that I am the Earth now, and when you slip deeper, I will become the Heaven, and then, when you fall asleep in me, The Darkness.  And after all, the stellar whale will appear, and I will open the door to let you return to yourself.



*the drawing is based on Robert Fludd diagram from Utrisque Cosmi and on the idea of Vishnu's navel situated upon the primeval ocean, whence arise the Lotus, rebirth symbol, embryo of the world. 

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"We were. We are. We are one flesh with the night."
Paul Celan

Chodź tutaj i mnie głaszcz, narysujemy mapę, otworzę ci drzwi. Możesz tutaj, wokół tego małego zagłębienia, które wygląda jak zamknięte oko. Babcia opowiadała mi, że kiedyś się pewnej kobiecie otworzyło i zobaczyła siebie od środka, ale stanąć twarzą w twarz z ukrytym sobą ot tak, bez przygotowania nie można, więc kobieta już nigdy potem nie spojrzała w lustro. To święte miejsce, kshetram. Jest jak wieloryb na moim brzuchu, środek ciężkości o masie wciągającej odmęty skóry, wyobrażam sobie, że któregoś dnia wciągnie mnie z całym moim zewnętrznym ciałem i będę w nim tkwiła jak w jakiejś zapomnianej poczekalni, w wielorybim czyśćcu, albo jak Jonasz Wędrowiec czekając na kolejny brzeg i gdy przyjdzie czas wytrysnę z fontanną tego zagarniętego ciała w nową przestrzeń, po jakiejś innej stronie. Kreśl dalej proszę. Ten pieprzyk mam po mamie, jest moim garbem i bywało, że mnie przerastał. Tak, wiem, jest niemal niewidoczny, ale kiedyś we śnie zajrzałam na drugą stronę, monstrualne korzenie wdzierały się w moje żyły, dziurawiły mięśnie, unieruchamiały kości, wyrzeźbiły we mnie system jaskiń i korytarzy, zacieniły, karmiły na moim ciele, musiałam się odkorzenić, powyciągać je z siebie, korzeń po korzeniu, łodyga po łodydze, tak, by została tylko ta jedna plamka, by nie znaczyła już nic poza byciem plamką. Jestem teraz labiryntem pustych dróg. Kreśl proszę dalej. Tak, tu jest nierówno, to dno wyschniętego morza, przez moment byłam przewodnikiem, prowadziłam na drugi brzeg, to dobre miejsce, możesz tu zostać i odpocząć, jeśli zechcesz. Nie potrafisz? Zamknij oczy, a teraz wejdź, warstwa po warstwie, ile to już lat, dekad, wieków? Nie bój się, to nie boli, wejdź głębiej. Pomyśl, że jestem teraz Ziemią, a jak wsuniesz się głębiej, stanę się niebem, a potem, gdy już we mnie uśniesz, ciemnością. I wtedy pojawi się gwiezdny wieloryb, a ja otworzę ci drzwi i będziesz mógł wrócić do siebie. 


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